What the ‘eff’ am I doing?

What the ‘eff’ am I doing?

Today was one of those hard days. You know the ones where it’s hard to breathe (not COVID-related) and your shoulders bow under the weight of overwhelm. Where you question yourself, ‘what the eff am I doing?’ and your day is a vignette of gloom and doom. Yass, it’s uncool hey. The doubt, the anxiety, the racing heart. The days when you want to climb to the top of a mountain and scream at the top of your lungs. Where you want to stab pillows or tear up tissues or lie on the floor like a toddler and kick your legs. You know that I mean.

And while in this state of despondency I was reminded of an image that my dad sent me this week, and one I have seen before. But I suppose it was quite appropriate today because it serves somewhat as a reminder to ground my flighted responses. Flight or fight girl. Ground the flight and get ready for the fight.

Anyway, it’s the image of a tiny seedling that has sprouted from the soil and is still in the early phase of growth, so nothing much to show for itself. No bright colours or flowery show. No sweet scent nor attracting the pollinators. Just a simple stem and some leaves. Doesn’t seem like it has much going on right? Why is it even wasting its time? But, below the surface there are things we cannot see that are happening. Pray, do tell.

Nestled in the soil, the roots of the simple stem with leaves have grown and divided and branched off; reaching far and wide. They are the lifeline of the plant- the anchor, the supplier, the giver of life. There is no plant without its roots. And so, while the plant doesn’t have much to say for itself above ground, there is an intricate network below with a focus of energy into building and spreading its roots in order to set the right foundation. Because one day that stem and two leaves is going to be a big ass tree.

I love this analogy because so often we want instant results and it gets disheartening. Gee whizz, it keeps you on your toes but sometimes I want to be on my feet and in sparkly heels you know. Like, where’s my big break? When can I send off the fireworks (wouldn’t do that because- animals) and drink champagne to celebrate?

And so, after reverting to- read paragraph one -for a day, I think back to my favourite analogy and provide myself with a pep talk, “Andrea, you’re working below the surface, you’re setting the foundation, it’s slow and painful, you have to scrape together resources (hustle baby, hustle) but keep at it, don’t stop”

Andrea, you’re putting your efforts into your roots right now. A tree doesn’t grow overnight- unless you buy a fake one and flip, sometimes I wouldn’t mind that fake one hey. But fake trees aren’t as cool as real ones and I’d really like to grow a real tree, a real, big ass Roots tree (you know what I mean).

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